


Touch

by AliceParrilla18



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 7x04/7x05, Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Philinda - Freeform, philindaisy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25022392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceParrilla18/pseuds/AliceParrilla18
Summary: "They stared at each other for a few seconds, but there was nothing familiar about it. ’’I’m sorry,” he whispered. He really was. He wanted to have the power to fix everything. To make her finally happy. And now he couldn't even show her how much he loved her."
Relationships: Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 10
Kudos: 76





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, it's just another short story before the 7x06 premiere. It takes place somewhere after 7x04 and before 7x05. I just missed some May/Daisy and May/Coulson interactions, so I decided to write it. I like the idea of May having some sort of powers now, I really do, but I hope the team will find a way to 'fix' her soon, because I miss the real May, the one we got to know and love. It's messy and maybe a little chaotic, but I hope you'll understand what I meant. English is not my main language, so I'm sorry for mistakes (please, remember that we're all human and we write here for fun).   
> Enjoy the story while waiting for tonight's episode and let me know what you think about it in comments!

Daisy knocked on the cockpit door, although she knew that the chance to get an answer was small. She sighed when her guess was confirmed and tapped in a code opening the door, and then went inside.

She sat down in the co-pilot's seat without a word and smiled at the orange-pink sky in front of them. She began to remember all those evenings when she came here just to watch the sunset, in the silent company of her mentor. She loved watching the colors change on the sky and then fade away, making place for the night. It was so long ago, when everything was easier and it seemed there was nothing in the world their team couldn’t deal with.

She leaned more comfortably on the seat and looked at the figure sitting next to her. May was also staring ahead, though something in her eyes was telling Daisy that she was looking but not seeing at all. Daisy knew her well enough to know that she was deep in thought. Too much was happening around, each of them needed a moment to process. Uncotrolled jumps in space-time and chronicoms chasing after them weren’t making things easier.

"I’ve always loved the sky," Melinda said without taking her eyes off from the view in front of her. Her voice was soft and gentle, as if she was afraid that anyone but Daisy could hear her. "I loved sitting at the controls of the plane and watching it for hours. I could feel the freedom."

"You don’t feel it anymore, do you?"

"Yeah. It’s… strange."

Daisy reached out to put her hand on the woman's shoulder, but quickly pulled back, realizing what it would mean. May was now trapped in a way. Sure, many times Daisy thought that "the Cavalry" is just like the stories were describing her, cold, stoic, maybe even heartless. But with time she got to know her better, and learned that the woman from the legends whispering around the whole organization in fact has a heart, bigger than anyone Daisy knew in her life, and she felt things deeply and truly, although she learned to hide it so well. The ability to feel emotions of other people but not her own was in relation to such a warm, caring and loving person, simply not fair. It was a price for being brought back to life that she shouldn’t be paying.

Daisy could remember how May stayed at her side and supported her when she turned into an inhuman and all her friends were afraid of her, as she didn’t leave her for a moment and believed in her even when she couldn't do it herself. Daisy hadn't had the opportunity to repay her for it before, so she was going to do it now, when the situation they were in was similar but their roles were reversed. Now Melinda was the one who needed support.

"Uhm, so," the girl began, turning in her seat towards the older woman and pulling her legs under her. "You’re a superhero now. I mean, you’ve always been, but with these sort of inhuman abilities, it really is something."

May snorted under her breath and raised the courner of her mouth slightly. "I’m not a superhero, Daisy. And I didn’t ask for these ‘powers’."

"I know, but until we figure out what to do with them, they can be quite useful. Just think about it, you can be a live robots detector." May looked at her, confused. Daisy just shrugged. "If you want to, of course."

The brunette thought for a moment. "If it helps us get home, I think I can try," she said. Daisy had to stop herself from touching her again. She knew that May wouldn’t do it just because it was helpful. She’d do it for Daisy, because she asked her to.

"Good. You know, these new powers of yours aren’t that bad, actually."

"They aren’t that bad?"

"Coulson would propably think they’re pretty cool." The soft smile disappeared from Melinda's face at the mention of his name. Daisy swallowed the lump of guilt that had formed in her throat. The woman turned her gaze back to the setting sun, which shine was reflecting in her eyes. "Listen, I know it's hard, but we’re all here for you. He is too. He’s as worried about you as the rest of us and he wants to help you. He won't do anything to hurt you."

"Nothing can hurt me anymore, Daisy," May whispered so softly that the girl barely heard her. Her words were like daggers that pierced through the younger agent's heart. It hurt that she couldn’t disagree on this.

"You know what I mean. Coulson is gone, it's true, but maybe we should appreciate that we can still have at least a part of him in our lives. You've gone through a lot and it's too early, I understand that, but I really think you should give him a chance, May."

"I can't. It’s not him."

Daisy didn't know what hurt more. The fact that it was true, or the way May's face remained empty, blank, as if she really didn't care at all. Maybe she shouldn't be surprised, maybe the woman went through too much to believe once again in the chance of getting back something that in reality she lost forever and there was no way to fix it.

"You’re right. But it’s the closest we could ever get of him."

A soft sigh was the only answer Daisy could count on. "He told you to talk to me about it, didn't he?" she asked.

"No," May looked at her again with a raised eyebrow. Daisy sighed, rolling her eyes. "Okay, yes. But it's not just his feelings. I want the best for you, May, I really do. Now more than ever, we need to care for each other. And you have already done so much for me, for all of us. I know it’s not quite as it should be, but I'm glad Jemma was able to bring you back to life and that you're still here. Because I don't know what I would do if I lost you, too. Feeling things or not, you’re still my mom."

Melinda looked at her and Daisy felt something stab her heart. This sight was so familiar, and yet so different and distant. When they’d look each other in the eyes earlier, they’d understand each other without words, and Daisy enjoyed it. Because that was the real super power of Melinda May, sharing feelings without words. She didn’t need them to say everything she needed to others. Her gaze was now empty, distant, which only confirmed Daisy's thoughts that May couldn’t get more hurt by fate.

"Can I hug you?"

This simple question suprised Daisy. She opened her mouth but couldn't get the answer for a few long moments. All the time she was careful not to touch her and thus impose her feelings on her, and now she was asking for it? She looked at the woman, but coudn’t read anything from her face. She was sitting almost still, patiently waiting for Daisy's reply.

"I mean… I… Of course," she finally choked out. "If that’s what you want."

They both got up. In complete silence, Daisy waited, not knowing how to behave. Melinda came up to her after a moment and gently put her arms around her. The girl returned the gesture, slightly uncertain. She pushed her worries deep into her mind and began to think about all that she had just said to May, about how everyone loved her and tried to support her as best as they could. She knew that what the woman would feel now depended on her. She wanted her to know how important she was to her and how much she loved her.

She was thinking about all of this and waiting.

When Melinda pulled away from her enough to be able to look at her, Daisy's heart stopped for a moment. She knew that what she was seeing was only a reflection of her own emotions, but the great smile on May's face and the amount of love in her eyes completely stunned her. She missed it so much, and hoped that May would be feeling this right now if she only could.

She saw a few reflected tears ran down Melinda’s cheek and only then realized that she began to cry herself.

This time she was the one who leaned for a hug and squeezed May’s small form firmly in her arms, not intending to let her go any time soon.

*

Coulson stopped in front of the door to her cabin and froze, not knowing what to do. Daisy gave him the new code opening every door on the plane in case of an emergency, but although his heart made him want to enter it and see her, his mind tried to stop him. Violating her privacy was bad, and invading her in this way was a lack of respect for her wishes.

He felt strange. May having super powers wasn't something he quite expected. He couldn't decide if her not feeling his emotions was a good or a bad thing. He didn't want to impose anything on her, make her more uncomfortable than necessary, but at the same time he wondered what would happen if she knew how much he cared about her, if she could once again feel the love that the real Phil Coulson had for her. He wanted to believe that it would help her cope with all of the chaos happening around.

He bit his lower lip and knocked on the door, quietly but firmly to make his presence known. Thoughts were running wild in his head as he waited for any answer. He held his breath as footsteps sounded on the other side. He waited for her to open, but the steps could no longer be heard and there was nothing but silence again. He sighed.

"Uhm, Daisy took me and Sousa to the shop to mix with the crowd," he said, guessing that Melinda was standing right in front of him and listening. "She picked up a dress for you. It’s nice. I brought it here for you, so you don’t have to go out to people for longer that needed."

This was only partly true. He suggested that he would give her the dress in person, on the pretext of seeing her. There was no time for them to talk before, and even if it was, Coulson wasn't sure if he was the one who should take the first step. He was glad that he could be around his family again, help and protect it, but every time Melinda looked at him, it all was disappearing and he felt like the intruder, a stranger that he really was to the woman he loved. Her empty gaze when she caught his hand and felt nothing unlike when she touched others, broke his heart. Feeling everything but her own emotions must have been awful. She didn’t talk to anyone and tried to avoid others to protect herself from unwanted emotions. He had to make sure everything was fine. As much as it was possible in the current situation, because he knew that after all she had gone through, May would never be the same again. None of them would.

The sound of the door opening pulled him out of his thoughts. Melinda stood in front of him still in her pilot's suit. It was dark in her cabin, but Coulson could easily see the tiredness on her face. He wanted something more to be there, maybe a little bit of warmth, but he knew he won’t be able to see it in her eyes soon.

"May I?" she asked quietly, keeping her gaze at the floor. Coulson only now realized that she had reached her hand out toward him. He looked at the dress he was still holding and shook his head, bringing himself back to reality.

"Oh, right. Here."

As he handed her the material, their fingers touched each other for a moment. None of them moved their hand back. Coulson watched May as she looked at their hands, the place where their skin had joined, without saying a word. The silence they usually liked to surround themselves with, now seemed to overwhelm them more and more with every second that was taking forever to pass. He was focused only on her, on the touch of her warm skin and the aching thought that this was probably the first and last time he had the opportunity to approach her that way.

He swallowed, unable to bear the silence any longer. He nodded at their hands. "Anything?" he asked hopefully. When she looked at him, he felt a shiver run down through his spine.

"No."

They stared at each other for a few seconds, but there was nothing familiar about it. "I’m sorry," he whispered. He really was. He wanted to have the power to fix everything. To make her finally happy. And now he couldn't even show her how much he loved her.

She just shrugged her shoulders, and before he knew what was happening, she jerked the dress from his hands, took a step back and closed the door just in front of his face.

He stood there for some time, somewhere deep in his heart hoping that she would open the door again. She didn’t. The old Melinda May would do that, but she wasn’t herself and he wasn’t himself anymore, they weren’t the people who met all those years ago at the academy. Phil Coulson regretted many things in his life, but he would never forgive himself for not daring to fight for her before. Maybe if he did, they wouldn’t be in this place now, so close and yet so distant as never before at the same time. Maybe their story would have gone differently, and they would both have had the chance for a long, happy life filled with love. But again, he wasn't the real Phil Coulson. He couldn't change anything. He couldn't have her or her love. He could only hate the man whose face he was wearing for the selfish decisions he made without being aware of their destructive consequences.

Walking away from her cabin, Coulson wished he could switch places with May now and stop feeling things that prevented him from thinking soberly.

Stop loving a woman who will never be his.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! And happy AoS day!


End file.
